Goofy Gringo Cuentitos [short stories]

Living a new country inevitably leads to interesting incidents, misunderstandings and lessons learned. Life is even more ridiculous when you live with a big, outrageous, and loving Mexican family. The last couple of months have created a number of great stories. Here are a few of the funny stories of mishaps and mistakes that I have made...

Miel Cough Drops

Saturday and Sunday of every weekend, the center of Tlaxcala – the town in which I live – is flooded with people buying and selling fruit, clothes, artisanal goods, and even animals. It’s like a farmer’s market, only much bigger, more active, and more vibrant. Plus, it’s not only health nuts and hippies at the market, all kind of people are there. One specific plaza in the center of town sells only hand-made crafts, goods, and natural products.  One Sunday, I accompanied my Tía Norma and Luis to a honey stand in this plaza. I was given a few samples of honey, and then the owner of the stand began telling me about the candy that they also sold. I didn’t understand all of what he was saying, but I was pretty confident that I understood him. He had me taste a certain candy that is supposed to help with gripe – the flu. I wanted to support his business, but felt no need to buy flu medicine candy. So, I proceeded to buy some honey suckers. After walking away from the stand, I popped one in my mouth. It was kind of sweet, but also tasted like a cough drop. I realized that this candy was also for gripe. I laughed at myself. I’m sure the man had told me this and I just didn’t realize it. I will make sure to ask more questions next time I don’t understand what someone is saying. 

posing with rice I helped make at the shelter

Agua de Zanahoria con Sal

Here in Mexico, agua does not have the same meaning as “water” in the U.S. Yes, agua means “water.” Most of the time though, when someone drinks agua, they are drinking a flavored beverage, consisting of water, fruit juice or blended fruit or another flavoring, and a butt-load of sugar. [i.e. Agua de Mandarin, Agua de Chia, Agua de Frutas, Agua de Alfalfa, Agua de Chocolate, Agua de Guayaba, Agua de Lima.] While this agua may not be the best for one’s health, it is certainly delicious.

One day in the shelter, I was tasked with making the agua of the day. Spefically, I was making agua de zanahoria [carrot]. I know it doesn’t sound appetizing, but it is actually pretty darn good. After slicing a ton of carrots into strips, blending them and mixing the resulting carrot liquid with a lot of water, I arrived at the most important step: adding the sugar. During my previous two attempts to make water, I had been very hesitant to add too much sugar, but this time, I wasn’t going to be as reserved.  I poured a butt-ton of sugar into the water. I was proud of myself. I had set aside my concerns for the health of everyone in the shelter, including myself, and had flavored the water like a true Mexican.

Unfortunately, my prideful thoughts were interrupted by Jacqi, saying “¿Sabes que fue sal, verdad?” [“You know that was salt, right?”] I was devastated. I grabbed the white container with the blue lid instead of that with the green lid. I couldn’t believe my careless mistake. I had ruined nearly an hour of work and a lot of carrots. Fortunately, my thoughts were once again interrupted. Jacqi and John could not contain their laughter. While I had been traumatized, they realized that it was not a big deal, and in fact, found it very funny. I immediately felt better knowing that I put a smile – albeit unintentionally – on the faces of John and Jacqi after their stressful week in the shelter.

Jacqi helped me to problem solve the situation. I added juice from a dozen oranges to the shelter, and then added the proper amount of sugar to the water. The water still tasted salty, but it was manageable. As we served the Agua de Zanahoria at mealtime, Jacqi announced to all the migrants that we had made a special electrolyte beverage, so that everyone would be hydrated for their journey. I smiled. I suppose it’s all a matter of perspective.

Getting Sick

Animals eat very well in Mexico. Well, at least the animals with which I have contact: my family’s dog, and the chickens and turkeys at the shelter. They receive whatever food is not eaten during our meals. For the turkeys and chickens this usually means fresh rice, beans and soup. For my family’s dog, usually tortillas, chicken, and caldo. As a result, I have no problem eating the same food as the animals. This is not something I usually do, but it is something I did one day in the shelter. And in these circumstances, it was not a great idea…

“Jacqi, ¿que vamos a hacer con estos totopos duros?” [“What are we going to do with these hard tortilla strips?”] I asked. We had left a number of tortillas out to harden in order to make chilaquiles, but we did not end up using all of them. “Puedes echar agua en los totopos para hacerse mas maduros, y luego podemos darlos a los gallos” [“You can put water on the tortilla strips in order to soften them so that we can feed them to the chickens later”] Jacqi replied. I proceeded to fill the pot of tortilla strips with water straight from the facet. Since I was hungry, I proceeded to eat some of the tortilla strips. Unfortunately, I did not think about the fact that these tortillas were soaking in unfiltered water.  My stomach felt better for the moment, but my carelessness would come back to bite me that night.

I spent an entire day either sleeping or on the toilet. My Mexican family was very worried about me, so they eventually decided to take me to the doctor. Luckily, mi mamá is a doctor at a nearby clinic and was on duty. My primo took me to her clinic, where I was given a suero. Suero has a few meanings. It is an electrolyte beverage, and IV, or in the state of Oaxaca, a michelada [a beer with tamarindo and other flavorings]. In this case, suero refers to an IV. The next day I felt much better, and was able to laugh at my dumb mistake. Thank God for my Mexican family.